Play to whine.

Last night at Eric's Bachelor Party, I got embroiled in a couple of interesting conversations. Sam started one about gender roles with a work-in-progress theory that there are maybe things beyond biology that differentiate masculine and feminine identities. Something on a mystical or mythic scale, maybe. Brent said that for this to be true, there would need to be attributes, then, that one could point to, that would be specifically different for men and women. Aspects that a man would have, that a woman would not, or vice versa. But Sam said he couldn't come up with any yet, that he was still working it all out. I couldn't think of any.

But in the light of this morning, I came up with an answer of sorts: I think that there may be a continuum of attriubutal intensity for which a man would generally rate lower than a woman, or vice versa. For example, while men and women can both be nurturing, for a graphical representation of a hill in which the bottom represents punching babies, and the top represents the selfless dedication of Duncan Idaho to a blossoming Maud'Dib, women in general will always be in a more strategic rock-throwing position than men.

In the other conversation, I joined Lucas and Steve mid-stream, discussing what it means to be good. I'm over-simplifying, and I'm not trying to be syllogistic here, but the conclusion we came to was that, given that goodness is primarily based in action, and action based in how one relates to others, and that God is relational, that to pursue goodness in and of itself is to pursue God. That is, trying to be good always means trying to know God. Also that you could never achieve absolute goodness, but you could and should pursue it anyway. This of course assumes a pre-existing belief in God, which the three of us have.

Then, Adam and my Dad jumped in and we escalated the debate to whether a person could do anything good at all, still with the assumption there is a God driving it. Steve says no, never, that while we can choose to do lots of evil things, like throwing a bike at a guy for no reason, or intentionally running over a small child with a truck, we can never choose to be good.

And the rest of us were saying that you can choose to do good things, and while that is a product of letting God change you in order to be able to do it, it's still a choice that you can make to submit to the change. to let god be good through you, essentially. We bounced around through historical surveys of Christianity, and all kinds of scripture, and Jeremy McKean walking through and saying that "What is good, is board games." In the end, we were at least able to agree that whether one can choose to do good or not, the actions one would engage in, are pretty much the same either way you believe.

I'm sure that a lot of people, like the Jill for example, would think the conversation was a bust, and a waste of time, considering how nobody changed their mind, and that we agreed in the end that the "How Should We Then Live?" question had pretty much the same answer either way. And there was lots of arguing about something that may not be that important, which bugs the Jill to no end. But I found that it helped me clarify some of my own thoughts on the subject, which is nice. Plus it stretched me to think. And I like thinking.

Also, as it was winding down, Jeremy's comment propelled me to bow out, sit down, draw a tall glass from the root beer keg, and play a board game with five other people. Ok, technically, Shadowfist is a collectible card game, but still, it's a game. And as most people who know me can testify (I don't needa WITness), I really like games. Board games, card games, tabletop games, console games, puzzle games, flash games, PC games, handheld games, amersandetceteraadinfinium.

To explain why I like games so much, why I would rather play a game than, say, watch a movie or continue engaging in a stimulating debate on the nature of goodness, I have to explain why multi-player Halo 2 for the Xbox, a game I hardly ever play anymore, is my favorite game of all time. Cross-platform, cross-genre, evar.

I could go into a lot of details about the weapon balance, and the wonderful map design, and the great game types, but the real reason I love Halo 2 has mostly to do with the fact that no one plays Scrabble with me anymore. I mean, Dave and Terry (and Smitty if he's miraculously crawled his way out of his personal pit of despair for once) do on some Wednesdays at Borders, but that's it. And we've mostly moved on to Three-Dragon Ante and Chez Geek and Ticket to Ride: Marklin, anyway. My Scrabble boards sit in the basement in the Box of Games that Never Get Played. One of the copies obviously never gets played because it is my Chris Wood Special Edition for Timothy Scrabble that includes 26 Qs. And I think I lost one of the Ss in my anniversary edition with the rotating board. But the travel version, and the other regular board are down there, just gathering dust under the laundry table.

But why does no one play with me? First, because I win. A lot. Almost every time. And when I win at Scrabble, I win, not because I'm sooo good, per se, because believe me, Dave beats me at least half the time, and Jill beats me almost as much when she is actually willing to play, and I've never taken the time to study the game seriously, but because I'm good at games in general. I know how to work the system, to find shortcuts that make it easier for me. It's the same reason I'm good at tests.

With Scrabble, it's no exception. I break down my letters to figure out what combos are most versitile, and then spot places on the board that if I can get into, will score a lot of points, Then I use a lot of two and three-letter words to make a high-scoring play off of a word using those letter combos. Most people like to play crosswords style, keeping the board open. I like to play adjacent to existing words, which keeps it tight. That unorthodox play style, combined with early high scores, demoralizes my opponent and makes it even easer to win. So yeah, I play myself out of being able to play. If only I could apply such complex strategies to writing a book, or finding a career. But, fat chance. The way I play makes it hard for other people to want to play with me.

But what does that have to do with Halo 2? Well, back when I played Halo 2 twenty hours a week, I could always find a game on Xbox Live. So I never had to worry about convincing someone to play. And more than that, with Halo 2's matchmaking ranking system, I was always playing people just slightly better or worse at the game than I was. And my ability to find shortcut strategies, while very useful in creating the unexpected moment here or there, won't win every game of Halo 2. I had to actually be skilled at the game, to be able to use the battle rifle to hit someone in the head three times in a row, or 4 if I miss one of the headshots. I had to remember the two separate spawn times for the sniper rifles in Ascension, and who had each one, if I want to ever wanted to use a sniper in a big game. I had to make each crouchjump up the sides of the doorways on Lockout if I wanted to be able to do a speed return on 1-flag capture the flag. If was trying to play on a team, maverick tactics only go so far, teamwork and communication became key. I had to be able to concentrate in the face of being down two flags to nil on Sanctuary, where the sword spawn time comes into play. And the BXB and BXR button combos? Skill heaven, no matter what Bungie says about them being cheating. So, I actually had to continue to get better at the game if I wanted to continue to enjoy to play. Skill was more important than novelty. And I get by with novelty way way way too often. Mostly because I'm clever and lazy.

With Scrabble, it's tough, because I want people to play with me, so I'm always tempted to pull my punches, to play a word that gets someone back in the game, or not concentrate as hard as I could. Because if someone feels like they're doing well, they'll keep playing. No such thing with Halo 2. When I'm playing I don't have to pull any punches. Everybody else is trying just as hard. I play as absolutely as hard as I can, and there will always be people better than I am, just a matchmaking lobby away.

Now, when I go to the game store, and I sit downto play Ra, or The Scepter of Zavendor, or even Runebound, I usually don't win. I'm not sure why this is exactly, but it's partially because I don't turn my brain on all the way. I know it sounds odd. But it's like I have to very intentionally concentrate to strategize and plan, or I just don't.

One New Years Eve, like, four or five years ago, I played Matt McCann in chess. The first two games he dominated me. I don't know why, but I hadn't turned my brain on yet. So I did. I told him that I was going to pay attention. I don't know if he believed me at first, but then I beat him four games straight. Another reason that I loved Halo 2 is that turning my brain on became automatic. Sit in half the tandem lawn chair, turn on the TV, put on the headset and the headphones over the top, take off the wedding ring to free up the left trigger finger and place the ring on the headset wire, there comes the opening music and I'm locked. I don't concentrate that hard very often, but when I do, it's like water to an immortal who's forgotten he was thirsty.

So that Xbox my family got for for Christmas along with Halo 2 so long ago turned out to be the best present ever. I got good at Halo 2. I learned the maps and improved my skills. And I made some really good friends, which is also a huge part of it. I really liked getting to know Spence and Jasmine, and spend time with people I already knew like Nicholas, and Zack, and Will, and Josiah. That's a huge huge part of all of it. I like doing things with people.

I don't I don't play much anymore. Not really. I mean, once in a great while I get to sit down and play splitscreen at a party or whatever and I love it. I can't tell you how much I appreciate the opportunity to play you guys. But it's not like it used to be. The world has moved on, as they say. So it goes.

I gave it up entirely, cold turkey, while I was looking for a job to replace teaching. And since that took until January the following year, I got out of the habit of playing. I was months behind on the strategies, and very out of practice. And by then, most of the people had moved on to Halo 3 on the 360. Which I don't own, and doubt I ever will. For the same reason that I don't play much Halo 2 anymore. Which is the same reason that I mentioned yesterday for why find myself getting weary of 'issues'. There are far more relevant and pressing things right around me. Far more living to be done. Everything else has pushed its way into my life. Jesus has barged right in, even. Gotten to cleaning house, as it were. And even only ten hours of Halo 2 a week can't enter into it. Did I mention that I have a hard time spending enough time with the inner circle kinds of people anymore?

Why then do I play games at all, if there are so many things around me that I should pay more attention to? Heck if I know, man, quit bothering me with your intrusive questions.

Uh . . . I mean, I like the challenge. And I like a fun activity to do with good friends while we're hanging out. There's a great deal of bonding that goes on. I like the feeling of figuring something out. I don't know. I play games instead of interacting with a person as little as possible. Video game alone, you say? Scoff, I say. Hardly ever happens anymore. I think I'd like to get into deep personal conversations more than play games at a party, though. Talk about life and then go out and live it. But then Dan and Jenny say we didn't do anything, and leave the party before we get down to playing something. And that hardly ever happens. Because I like games. And it insulates me from living. And Arkham Horror is a good proxy for living. Isn't it?

Maybe the whole thing is really a deeper question. Not, "Should I play a game when I'm hanging out with someone?" but "What should I being doing at all?" And that's when it gets complicated. More on that some other time, then; I'm gonna go home and hang with the Muse. Learn more about a medical co-op we joined. See if she wants to play X-Men Legends . . .