Eli and living.

Last night, after Lost, which I haven't seen yet, so don't tell me who Jacob had tea with or whatever, ABC threw up a new show called Eli Stone. I got home about 20 minutes in and watched the rest with the Jill, who is still on the couch most of the day; out of it, but not sleeping. Which is meh for her. But such is sickness. I had to avoid Lost spoilers in the Oceanic Airlines commercials they played, but I liked the show. I don't know that I could shoehorn it into the sitcom box, but it had a light-hearted tone, even in the serious bits. That I like.

The main character (Eli, if ya believe it) even makes light of a situation in which his fiancée was going to maybe leave him because he had a brain aneurysm, and she didn't know if she could handle knowing he could die at any moment. That's the kind of thing I'd do. I have a hard time being totally serious in emotional situations. Especially ones that I'm feeling the worse for. When someone's in a really foul mood, or feeling awful, my first response is to I throw in a little humor. Call it defense mechanism, call it what you will. I prefer to think of it as physiological manipulation of psychology. That is, making someone smile makes them happier.

And then I can imagine Steve saying, because he likes to challenge me, "Should we even ever try to be happy?" But, that's also another post.

Anyway, with the writers strike, who knows how long the show'll run, but I liked it. Not enough to make it a weekly show or anything. I've got, now, exactly one weekly show, which is Lost, which is about as much as I can handle. So BACK OFF, TV, I'm good. Seriously, go away. I don't want to hear your Jericho ads. I'm sure it had a delightful first season, full of nukes and soldiers doing things. A season I didn't watch. Until you bring back The Office, starring Adam Jamal Craig (ok, not yet, but one can hope), I'm a one show man. Quit being all temptatious.

What I saw last night was the pilot, so the show premise was the episode plot. The short version is that Eli is your average corporate lawyer, but suddenly starts having hallucinations that influence him to be altruistic. The first few of these involve George Michael (The singer, not Bluth.) telling him to have faith. Which leads him to represent the woman who he lost his virginity with, who is hotter and nicer than his aforementioned finicky and flighty fiancée. But what can ya do?

Turns out his hallucinations, besides being very helpful in bringing up specters of early 80s pop group members, also show him what cases to take. Cases that no one would think to take. His acupuncturist, a Stanford grad posing as an old Chinese man (Played by Shredder. No really, look it up), tells him over a rooftop barbecue, that maybe Eli's a prophet, that what Ian's brother (a doctor) is saying, that the brain aneurysm is just the cause of the hallucinations, and Ian should ignore them, pretty much, is maybe false. Instead, Ian should look at it like there are two explanations for everything: the scientific reason, and the divine reason. And you have to decide what to believe. I like that a lot. I don't want to discount the scientific and the rational here, because I love science and reason, but I think there are things that are better explained by other means. Feel free to disagree; I'm no racist.

Now, Eli says he doesn't believe in God, and the acupuncturist says that Eli believes in love and justice and mercy, and these things are God. I'm not sure I agree with him. I mean, on a certain level, I do; I think God is the ultimate embodiment of love and justice and mercy and a'that. But I'm not sure I'm comfortable with throwing the personal aspects of God out the window to justify these things as good in and of themselves. Yes, I think everything beautiful is beautiful because of God. And pursuing beauty can lead to God. But take out the who in the equation, and think you miss the real point.

To paraphrase Don Miller, it's like telling the gospel story like this: God loves everybody and wants people to know him, but people love themselves so they can't know God; all you have to do is accept God and you can know him. Real nice, right? Except it leaves out the who part, Jesus. Who, I think, is the whole story. Same with love and justice and mercy. I think you leave God himself out, and you miss the point, what love and justice and mercy are for.

On the other hand, I do like how the show is showing that God is all about justice and mercy and love. Reppin' God, as it were (God: It goes down). And I do think that if you follow any of those ideals far enough, you're likely to find YHWH at the other end.

But what the show is really about is Eli finding his purpose. He's been a lawyer for however long, and now, all of a sudden, he's getting a reason to do it that's beyond it just being a job. His job transforms into to his calling, and it's going to take him on all kinds of adventures (We'd hope. Otherwise, boorrring.) and the place he goes every day to get money will also be the place he goes to live life deeply and do meaningful things.

During the show, they showed a commercial that I like. It starts off with this couple going on a romantic dinner. The atmosphere is romantic and the wine selection is fabulous, but the food is super tiny, so they go to a grocery store and get comfort food and take it back home and are more in love than they were to begin with. It's all very warming. The problem is, that the commercial is for a credit card, and the worst part comes when they tell you that the credit card is good for helping you tell your story. Which makes me sick to my stomach, and then I complain to Jill about it, which makes no one happy, because there is nothing more incongruous to me than the idea that borrowing money to get things you don't need, being the way you end up telling a good story with your life.

I kind of feel the same sickness about Eli's job, and how he's super-rich at it, but now he gets to finally have a great life story and keep his job, too. Not that I'm against a good job or anything. Or even making a lot of money. But I do have a problem with the idea that trying to live well means never changing your circumstances, and that positions of power are the best way to accomplish good things. And even more so, I'm just flat out confused as to how having a job fits in to trying to live out an adventurous life.

See, growing up, I read all these stories about how on their death bed, nobody ever wishes they'd spent more time at the office, and how you shouldn't live a life of quiet desperation, two roads in a wood, and a'that. Money can't buy me love, right? Major Ian Thomas came and spoke at a men's retreat at Olathe Bible Church that I went to back in early high school. He swore a couple of times, which was a big deal back then. His whole thing was about what he called Christ-in-you-ity, or what Sam calls practicing the presence of God. About giving your whole life to following God, essentially. Living fully. And afterwards, I went up to him, and I asked him, given that I was in high school and the 'supposed to's of the time dictated that I was supposed to be in high school, and do well, how was I supposed to live out this life that he was describing? I don't remember his answer, honestly, but I remember not feeling satisfied with it, whatever it was.

And now the 'supposed to's include a job. I've got to pay off my school debt, and Jill's school debt, and car repair debt. And there's bills, and a place to live, and my own lack of self control when it comes to eating convenient food.

I totally think that where ever you are, you can do good. And whatever you do, you can live fully. But the problem is, what if you could live better and more deeply, and tell a more dangerous and interesting story with your life if you were elsewhere? Something more adventurous. I don't know if this is just a western way of thinking, but I think everyone can have an adventurous life. Where what they're doing is meaningful.

Well, my time's running out for the day, and I've got more to say on this, but my point for now is that I feel like one of the things I do best in the world, that I should cultivate and get better at is writing. And my responsibility to picking up the phone whenever someone calls me for help gets in the way. It's hard to be where people are and help them be better people and to love life and love God if all I talk about all day is Java and Internet Explorer. And while being nice to people and trying to treat them like I want to be treated is a huge part of what I'm trying to do, I don't feel like it's enough.

Living in Belarus for that summer felt meaningful. Getting together for Conversations feels meaningful. Snuggling with Jill, and talking about Jesus with people, eating good meals with people, sitting on my porch reading a good book, sleeping, doing laundry, even; all of that feels like a good use of my time.

So does going home. See you.